| "we all know that slaves arent real people" |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|12:27 am] |
i had a history test this morning
i made believe that i knew the answers
i hope my teacher laughs at least
i crumpled up my exam booklet
she made fun of me last time
i remember when you humiliated me
i spoke incorrectly
you had to point out my flaw
im more attractive when i keep my mouth shut
ive figured that out
you said a pigs foot
i said cloven hoof
idiot
in psychology we got our PA's back
i got a 100 on it
dr. brownell thinks i am a very exceptional student
i think im shit
i sat and waited on the second floor
i remember when we would eat chips and dip
not 3 feet from where i sat
i read my book for 45 minutes
the shinning happy faces come out
they welcomed me to their floor
say they miss me
want me back
i almost believed it
i kept myself busy by riding my bike
i rode it all over town
"hit me, kill me"
my hair matted to my face from sweat
and i just wanted an easy ride around the block
i could care less what you do
im happy just to be there
to wax poetic
to listen
to look upon
this life
this life
i am destroyed everyday
there is no breath of air
no quenched lips
only perditions open arms |
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| "cheese and stuff" i hate you |
[Mar. 18th, 2008|12:49 am] |
she had so much makeup on
maybe to hide the birthmark over her eye
i was still unnerved by it
i would give every cent i own to my brother mino
for his life i would live in poverty
it might be easier that way
i followed her pale white face
streaked with tips of red
burned by the sun
so fair
watching the interesting way
her lips pursed
with a mind in such malaise as mine
it was euphoric
to be accompanied
no one is in my presence for very long
and thats how its always been
and thats how it always will be
there is absolutely nothing i can do to change that
nothing ever works
no words
no favors
no comforts
i receive no response
like the response i put forth
i noticed the moon waxed full
it put a bright glow around everything
the twilight always seems to be more vivid
under such fullness
i drove home in silence thinking
i thought of how sorrowful
her sobs where
her sadness brought me such joy
i could see her heart falling from her eyes
and it made me glad that she felt so
zealous
the recolection of
the day
the week
the month
the year and years
mean nothing
forgive my tired words
they are evermore useless
as they have always been
as they always will be |
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| ive corrupted your sweet gift |
[Mar. 17th, 2008|12:59 am] |
im thankful for the disgusting things
the things that cloud my mind
the thoughts that run wild
they hinder positive thinking
and leave me to writhe
and bleed
especially bleed
im tired of the run around
i been thinking of breaking my phone
i want to be cut off from civilization
when i feel the need to smash my tumorous appendage
i think if anyone would try to contact me
i bet they wouldnt
they might try a few times
and with no results
would forget completely about me
not a thought would pass their mind
nothing ive ever done adds up to anything
alas
it was so nice to be out in this wind, evermore
aaron believes the wind brings the sickness
and i suppose a southerly wind might
that third world country to our south and all
it surges to the brim
with corroded fingernails
and oil soaked foreheads
but pestilence is all in good fun |
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| entrails |
[Mar. 14th, 2008|01:22 am] |
i looked on in amazement
the flush of your cheeks
the crooks from your smile
and the flash of your eyes
i could ask for nothing more
they always ask why im looking?
i am always in such awe
and they destroy it
to bring me back to reality is
disgusting
why do they have to know everything?
mystery is good
mystery gives hope
a reason
no reason anymore
abandon hope
abandon
hope
ive come to realize i have no purpose
noone gives a shit about me
the cordial niceties are always there
but live or die
not a single person could say that of me
my words and thoughts are drowned
my blood runs cold with small talk
ive lost all compassion
teeth and jaw remain
its pointless to explain my plight
"i never get the one i want"
she really made me feel like shit tonight
its good to be put in my place
to know exactly where i belong
in the back of everyones mind
a wisp of a being
the being that everyone thinks is so amazing
but does nothing about it |
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| china eats crow |
[Feb. 25th, 2008|06:50 pm] |
there are grass fires around
the sky is painted with the red smoke it gives off
i wonder how close they are to burning down my house?
i was thinking today
do aborted babies go to hell?
i wrote that on my notebook
i laughed at how morose |
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| R&R |
[Feb. 22nd, 2008|12:53 am] |
i need rest
its 1Am now
i have class from 8 till 12 tomorrow
then work at 5 or so
i think i will come home after school and take a nap
ive grown tired of people
i dont want to interact
i dont want to hear what they have to say
i dont want them to look at me
i want to yell at them for idiocy
to express my anger towards them
but i know its all pointless
i dont raise a finger to opposition
i do not care to win
im done trying |
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| Her name would be Eleanor |
[Feb. 19th, 2008|01:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
your birthday is coming up
hell it might have already passed
im nostalgic lately
i think of how it used to be
how happy i was
nothing could touch me
people upset me as of late
we have plans
they dont even call
mother says i will be great
no one listens to me for me to be anything
im a mumbling
incompetent
unworthy
no one
ive decided that if i have a daughter
i would love her that much more
if i could name her as such
its such a classy name
a name worthy of falling in love with |
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| The Way of the Bow and the Horse |
[Feb. 11th, 2008|12:49 am] |
it used to mean something
im not sure what it means anymore
ive had interesting thoughts
of
mutilated
tumorous
beings
im ready to move out and re organize my life
then maybe i will grow from those thoughts
pale
punched out
bloodied
bodies
some slouching through the world
some dying on the ground
most on the ground
they are all on the ground nowadays |
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| 4 am |
[Jan. 7th, 2008|03:52 am] |
Mr. Norman says, "Calvin, what do you know about the Round-Eyed Sons of the Knightly Order?"
Curtis says, "It's Curtis."
Mr. Norman says, "Don't get fresh, Cal."
Curtis says, "Steer clear of the RESKO, Dad."
read "Bear V Shark" by Chris Bachelder
change your life |
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| 1 mark for each foolish deed |
[Dec. 16th, 2007|10:59 am] |
it has been so dreadfully cold
i need a better jacket or a higher tolerance
ive been sort of miserable
to the extent of staying in doors and painting
thinking of art projects and photo shoots
its been nice
i always say,
"im a jack of all trades,
but a master of none"
and i hate when people just have to point that out
they make it so apparent that i dont know what im talking about
but i know im not, they are simple hypothesis
that are pretty damn close to being right
damn their prideful advances
damn their vanity
ive grown to loathe people over the years
over the months i guess
im thankful for that |
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| refreshing |
[Nov. 30th, 2007|02:17 am] |
to lay eyes on such filth
is devine
to speak of mutilation
such a flush in my cheeks
to hear words of hatred
to feel them in my heart
thanks for the unspoken even more so
i smell of smoke
you smell of shame
such a competition
i never once asked |
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| Pecan Trees |
[Nov. 21st, 2007|12:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  enthralled | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | & sample | ] |
beneath the hickory
between the shadows
and upon the girded metals
we spoke in fervent tones
thank you for that
nothing more could be finer |
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| an evening such as this |
[Nov. 12th, 2007|01:39 am] |
to go into the novels and chronicles
to be pondered and praised
a very good evening with monica
my shins hurt
 |
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| The Defiler |
[Nov. 7th, 2007|01:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  wroth | ] |
To kill, steal and destroy
To seek out the most beautiful and important of things
To crush them under foot with much resentment
To grit teeth and never bite back the words of hatred
He used to care
He used to be a fantastic creature
Now only a shell of what he once was
He used to love unconditionally
The love beaten from him by the sights seen
Blinded by such atrocities
Held in his mire until everything is put asunder
Asunder from his right hand
Only from jaws and knuckles will anything become what it should be!
a biography of ones self to say the least |
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| of birds and creatures |
[Oct. 15th, 2007|02:00 am] |
it was cold this evening
i wanted to walk through a forest
to hold lamp or naught down a moonlit path
holding hands or bumping slightly into a partner
to sit under trees and here the nightly things cringe
to draw one close as if to protect them with arms outstretched
legs crossed and breathing in deep the dark air
to rest with eyes closed and be complete in that moment
to want nothing more than to spend every moment here
to need nothing more than to be here
 |
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| puddles |
[Oct. 11th, 2007|04:51 pm] |
the mighty rain falls fast
i wax in memory of an exciting morning
of teeth barred
of arms outstretched
of smokescreen passerbys
you smelt like death
and i smelt of the same
i sit here, watching waiting
in my hard glow of green
to crack the spine of such a novel
to witness the conception of Paphos
named from Venus for fair Pygmalion & Galatea
i love the rain
i hate getting wet |
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| sunken eyes, crimson stains |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|12:48 am] |
Ryan cut his hand at work the other day... i walked by the place where he slipped and cut his hand open. I looked down and noticed the spattered blood on the floor. Mixed with the dark black tiles it was still darker and more profound.
I announce "is this blood"? "beautiful", and i walked away
I want to take pictures of all my friends, just mug shots... emotionless would be nice. If they where just done crying or punched in the mouth would be better. I want to line my walls with them, maybe on a string hanging down across the ceiling.
I did an essay for history tonight, i think it came out pretty good... im still worried about my test Wednesday.
I put a lamp in my room, its hood is a lime green and its very old. I think its an amazing piece that i will incorporate any where i might go. LIVE LONG ANCIENT GREEN LANTERN!
Gruesome artwork is my thing, like i always say
"it's always more disgusting in my head"
 |
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| no words no words |
[Oct. 4th, 2007|02:07 am] |
im going to fail my history test
math is getting a little harder
i havent done my stupid speech yet because my teacher is sick
english is alright, ive never had a problem in there
i spent like 700 dollars in 2 days :/
my body crumbles
i was thinking what kind of psychiatric things are going on with me, if anyone can explain my disgust? I curl my lip at the sights i see, i raise my hands and shake my head in awe. Ive been short tempered latley, ive become an angry person i think. I feel so far away from everyone, like i dont have time or patience for anything. And when i might have some time, no one else does.
i never have anything to say, why cant i get a grip?
i need to lock myself in my room, turn my phone off and study
i need a flood light in my room, i HATE how dark it is
ive been staying up till 2 every day... im crazy
im slothful and it does not bode well |
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